When life puts you at your wits end, DO NOT worry. There is help to be had.

For my first post on spiritual health, I want to share with you a story from my personal life. I hope you find it compelling and can see that whatever bad things get thrown at you, there is help to be had, you just have to ask for it.

The Divorce

This story starts about two years ago. I thought my life was good and I was moving forward to start having all the good things in life that I always hoped and dreamed of having. I was married at that time, we had three wonderful children, a nice house, a couple of cars, a great job,  bills just about all caught up and we were on our way to having the "extras". Two years ago on mothers day, I woke up and was getting ready to go to work. Just before I was ready to go, my wife woke up and said we needed to have a talk. I could tell by the tone in her voice and the fact that she would not look me in the eye, that something was seriously wrong. I sat down and waited for her to talk. She just all the sudden said, "I love you, but I am not in love with you anymore." To this day, not real sure what that means. Then she got up, dressed and left. I was in shock. I grabbed the children, took them to daycare and went to work. I tried the whole time to hold it together. I couldn't do it, I was devastated. Right when I got to work, I had to leave again, I just could not hold it in. I did manage to get it back together before I picked up the kids, I did not need them to see their dad as weak. I then spent the better part of a month trying to get my wife to work with me on trying to save the marriage, divorce to me was not an option. I made a promise to her, to myself, to the people at our wedding but most importantly to God that this marriage was until death do us part. She was having none of it, she wouldn't even try. So, to help protect the children, I gave her the divorce she wanted. I felt forced to break my promise.

Loss of Dream Job

After a little while, things seemed to get better. I still had my good job, the house and I had the children most of the time. The nice thing was that my relationship with my children grew even better than it was before. Six months after my divorce, I even got a promotion a work. Things were definitely working out for the better, or so I thought. Less than a year after my divorce, with no warning at all, the company I worked for decided to close up the store. Over 80 people including myself, were all let go in the same night. I was crushed. I finally got to where I wanted to be, I had my dream job and it was snatched away from me. No, I wasn't crushed, it destroyed me inside.

Complete Hatred

I was angry. No, I was furious. I felt hatred at myself. I felt hatred at the greedy company. I felt hatred at those who had healthy and happy marriages. I felt hatred at the people who had things that I have always wanted and dreamed about, but now could not have. Most of all, I hated God! Here I was trying to make a good life for myself and my children. I didn't have greedy dreams, I just wanted my family to be comfortable with maybe a few nice "extras". I was going to church and trying to give my children a good christian upbringing. So why was I being punished? Tell me Lord, what did I do that was so horrible that you felt the need to punish me so severely not once, but twice? Why am I being singled out for your wrath? I tried my hardest to keep those thoughts and feelings bottled up inside when my children were around. I didn't want to be an influence on them with my bad thoughts. But when they weren't around, I ranted and I raved, asking God why. Then it would change to cursing because I felt I wasn't getting an answer. I started to not really care anymore. What was the point? I had no whole family, the only jobs out there would not take care of my family and I felt I had no friends. So, I just hid. I stayed at home as much as possible and just went through the motions of taking care of my children. None of this was their fault at all.


Is any of this hitting home with anyone yet?

Road to Recovery

A couple of months after all this happened, I got a visit from my pastor. We sat down and talked for a bit. He did manage to open up my eyes a little bit. He told me that the Lord does not perpetrate evil, but can take all things and turn them to good. He pointed out that God did not choose for there to be a divorce, that was a choice made by my ex. God did not choose for the company to shut down the store, in fact I always refused to see that at least 80 other people were affected by that too, until he pointed it out. The really good thing, that he was able to point out to me was this: Because of all the extra time I now had to spend with the children by myself, my relationship that I had with them has exceeded what my expectations and dreams ever were. I really liked that. I had then decided to go back to church. My children have been hounding me to go back anyway. Maybe I could give God another shot.

Just Going Through the Motions

I started getting out a little more. I still wasn't well. I had become very good at putting on a game face and telling people that things were great. Little did they know I was dying inside. I had started up an internet health business hoping it would take off and allow me to continue staying at home with my children. It just did not seem to be going anywhere and my unemployment was running out. I was getting frustrated. I met a girl who I seemed to have a lot in common with me, ideas, hopes and dreams and personality-wise. She made me feel happy and safe when she was around me and she talked to me. That stalled, we let it get too deep too fast. It probably didn't help matters that I finally had a meltdown with everything that has happened to this point. I felt horrible subjecting her it. I am actually surprised she is talking to me at all, anymore. This frustrated me even more. Then one Sunday at church, I just felt this overwhelming need to talk to a lady who always sat behind me. I broke down crying, while I was telling her everything. She gave me a web address to a christian website that had bible studies and she told me to listen to her favorite pastor. He helped me a lot.

Finding My Redemption

Now, I was starting to feel a little bit better about things. Unfortunately, I was still on a bit of an emotional rollercoaster. Things would seem to start to go good, then when they weren't what I expected them to be, I would lose it. The good thing is that I was getting out and socializing more and talking to people about what I was going through inside myself. I was amazed at the number of people who even though they could not relate to what I went through, were willing to share their stories with me. I learned a lot from this.

You see, I learned that all God really wants is our unconditional love. As you would do things to honor your wife, well that is how you should be doing everything, but to honor God. You know how you feel after spending the whole day away from your wife and family, you can't wait to get home to be with them? That is how the Lord wants you feel about Him every second of your day. Faith is an important factor, but I feel that when things get really tough, God knows that faith will begin to falter. I believe that it isn't about how much faith you have, but more so who you keep your faith in. Always remember, no matter how low your faith gets in the Lord, His faith in you never falters. This is an imperfect world and Jesus did say that we will have trials and tribulations. It is what makes us stronger people. Being a true Christian doesn't mean our lives magically become perfect. But having perfect love and faith in the Lord makes those trails and tribulations easier to bear. The Lord does tell us what we need to do, we just need to learn how to listen better.

Things for me are getting better now. I am starting to get business now. My relationship with my children is getting even better yet now that I am trying to teach them now instead of just yelling and saying, "because I said so." The friends that I never thought I had, I have a lot of friends, I just refused to see it before. As far as that relationship goes, well who knows. I do know that the Lord does have someone in mind for me and that girl will be walking this journey with me when I least expect it to happen. Whether it is the girl I really care about now or someone else, only the Lord knows.

My Personal Prayer

I am not saying that I am perfect. I know I have a long road ahead of me. But when thing start to get tough, there is a scripture that always comes to my mind. It is 2Thessalonians 3:5- May the Lord direct your hearts into God's love and Christ's perseverance. Which means to me, that you can ask the Lord to fill your heart with love and grant you with the patience you need. I have turned this scripture into a prayer that does wonders for me. "Dear Lord, please direct my heart into your love and grant me your son Christ's perseverance." If you truly believe and pray this, you will find peace just wash over you. God Bless!